Ready for the ultimate iPad Killer? Here it is – Directly from our source in the contested orange zone in Katzenstok’s captial village of Voltenstad. We’ve managed to procure secret footage of the next killer tablet – the Apple Pad Mini. Far superior in every way to both the New iPad and the iPad Mini, this elegant, low-radiation* tablet is perfect for reading, surfing the capitalist-controlled internet and more. What’s better, it runs quietly and smoothly and produces only a minimal electrical shock.

*low compared to the ambient level of radiation in Katzenstok